Saturday, July 27, 2013

HEATHEN'S

Many years ago one of our daughters came home from a friends and shared a story with me, I was saddened and hurt by the comments that she quoted, my initial response was to blow it off and said to her "yeah we are just a bunch of Heathens."  The term Heathen Stevenson became a regular joke in our little family.  Over time I thought that I had gotten over the hurt of these comments as we were involved in many various activities that took us from our home ward and the distance became greater and greater.  A year or so ago our some of our daughters started running some fun races and needed a team name, they chose "Heathen Stevenson's" at first I laughed and then I saw pictures with the name on the backs and it really bothered me, the name was out there for other people to see it wasn't just a family joke anymore.  The girls loved it but I asked them not to use it.  This caused me to wonder why it bothered me so much, it was just a silly name.  In retrospect I realized that while I had made a joke of it and moved on I really hadn't moved on it was like a burr stuck under my saddle blanket and the new conversations brought that to my attention.  It had been over 13 years since this occurred and why was it bothering me once again?  Really it was always there because I had lost confidence in myself, I never thought I was good enough because others were talking about me and judging me.  This individual was close to another woman who had also made some judgments about our family that I was aware of and it only caused me to be aloof and distant from ward members and unable to take compliments or positive comments from other ward members.  I hadn't gotten over it at all and I was ready to go away and start over, which we have done.  I know those comments were not meant to reach me but they did and I think the person who made those comments would be sad to know how deeply she has effected my life. Once I realized that I was still harboring those negative thoughts I knew that I had to forgive and move on. I read, prayed, and called the girls and said "it is ok to use the name, don't' change it.'  I have embraced that name now and we even have a special group on facebook solely for messages to and for family members only.  Our new house had been dubbed "Paka's Place" and I have now added "Heathen Headquarters"
If our family is a group of Heathen's I worry about the world in general!  Seriously I am so blessed to have such good people in my family, the are all amazing.  None of us are perfect or we wouldn't still be here but all in all it's a pretty good group of "Heathen's!"
 
Here they are family and adopted family!!  Go Heathen's Go

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Scratches

Being in our new home has made me very aware of scratches.  We have a very large wood floor and lots of wooden doors, new furniture.... So much that I think some of our children worry about coming here in fear that something might happen while here.  After a family gathering last night to celebrate the 24th of July, a Utah state holiday, I was cleaning up the kitchen and fixing breakfast for Kerry and myself I looked across the room and discovered a significant set of scratches in the wood.  Not on the new wood but on a table that we have had for about 18 years. After cleaning up the kitchen and getting my dishwasher going I decided to work on those scratches to see if I could hide them a little. I pulled out my wood oil polish and gently set about to smooth out the wood a little and make it look better.  As I worked to smooth out the new scratches I couldn't help but think about some of the scriptures that I have been studying lately, about the Savior and how he sacrificed all for me (us), how he smoothed out everything for me,  When I finished the scratches are still there but they look better than before I started.  At a certain angle they are still noticeable but to the eye who hadn't seen them it might not even be seen.  Again I thought of these scriptures, scars from sin remain but they also heal with repentance and with a soothing polish, the Saviors love for us, they hardly are visible.  I am so grateful for these times of reflection in my life. 
My dad used to love to garden I remember from a very young age that he would spend hours working to till the earth and grow wonderful gardens with beautiful crops.  As I have gotten older I have learned to love to work in the yard and create a garden, I love the time to think and that is when I seem most inspired.  I need to turn the world off more than I do and seek for these reflective moments!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Emma-2013 Three really?

Can she really be three?  I find it hard to believe?  This costume for her dance recital reminds me of her mom a few years ago in one quite similar and she is a mini Jessica for sure.  Happy Birthday sweet little Emma.

Our Family