HEATHEN'S

Many years ago one of our daughters came home from a friends and shared a story with me, I was saddened and hurt by the comments that she quoted, my initial response was to blow it off and said to her "yeah we are just a bunch of Heathens."  The term Heathen Stevenson became a regular joke in our little family.  Over time I thought that I had gotten over the hurt of these comments as we were involved in many various activities that took us from our home ward and the distance became greater and greater.  A year or so ago our some of our daughters started running some fun races and needed a team name, they chose "Heathen Stevenson's" at first I laughed and then I saw pictures with the name on the backs and it really bothered me, the name was out there for other people to see it wasn't just a family joke anymore.  The girls loved it but I asked them not to use it.  This caused me to wonder why it bothered me so much, it was just a silly name.  In retrospect I realized that while I had made a joke of it and moved on I really hadn't moved on it was like a burr stuck under my saddle blanket and the new conversations brought that to my attention.  It had been over 13 years since this occurred and why was it bothering me once again?  Really it was always there because I had lost confidence in myself, I never thought I was good enough because others were talking about me and judging me.  This individual was close to another woman who had also made some judgments about our family that I was aware of and it only caused me to be aloof and distant from ward members and unable to take compliments or positive comments from other ward members.  I hadn't gotten over it at all and I was ready to go away and start over, which we have done.  I know those comments were not meant to reach me but they did and I think the person who made those comments would be sad to know how deeply she has effected my life. Once I realized that I was still harboring those negative thoughts I knew that I had to forgive and move on. I read, prayed, and called the girls and said "it is ok to use the name, don't' change it.'  I have embraced that name now and we even have a special group on facebook solely for messages to and for family members only.  Our new house had been dubbed "Paka's Place" and I have now added "Heathen Headquarters"
If our family is a group of Heathen's I worry about the world in general!  Seriously I am so blessed to have such good people in my family, the are all amazing.  None of us are perfect or we wouldn't still be here but all in all it's a pretty good group of "Heathen's!"

 

Here they are family and adopted family!!  Go Heathen's Go

Scratches

Being in our new home has made me very aware of scratches.  We have a very large wood floor and lots of wooden doors, new furniture.... So much that I think some of our children worry about coming here in fear that something might happen while here.  After a family gathering last night to celebrate the 24th of July, a Utah state holiday, I was cleaning up the kitchen and fixing breakfast for Kerry and myself I looked across the room and discovered a significant set of scratches in the wood.  Not on the new wood but on a table that we have had for about 18 years. After cleaning up the kitchen and getting my dishwasher going I decided to work on those scratches to see if I could hide them a little. I pulled out my wood oil polish and gently set about to smooth out the wood a little and make it look better.  As I worked to smooth out the new scratches I couldn't help but think about some of the scriptures that I have been studying lately, about the Savior and how he sacrificed all for me (us), how he smoothed out everything for me,  When I finished the scratches are still there but they look better than before I started.  At a certain angle they are still noticeable but to the eye who hadn't seen them it might not even be seen.  Again I thought of these scriptures, scars from sin remain but they also heal with repentance and with a soothing polish, the Saviors love for us, they hardly are visible.  I am so grateful for these times of reflection in my life. 
My dad used to love to garden I remember from a very young age that he would spend hours working to till the earth and grow wonderful gardens with beautiful crops.  As I have gotten older I have learned to love to work in the yard and create a garden, I love the time to think and that is when I seem most inspired.  I need to turn the world off more than I do and seek for these reflective moments!

Emma-2013 Three really?

Can she really be three?  I find it hard to believe?  This costume for her dance recital reminds me of her mom a few years ago in one quite similar and she is a mini Jessica for sure.  Happy Birthday sweet little Emma.

Gratitude

So many emotions are going through me right now in preparation for our move to the new home.  I will still go back and document with pictures later.  There are also many emotions as I am trying to be a better person, to see the good in people rather than the bad or frustrating, not to let other peoples judging of me sour the way I feel about them.  It seems that while trying to accomplish this the adversary works even harder to impede the process.  Today I am very grateful for the scriptures and the sweet blessing they are in my life.  Just as I sat to study it fell open to just the scripture that I needed for the day, and the following chapters only reinforced that verse for me.  I love when this happens! 

She's two? Olivia 2013

I can't believe how quickly these little ones are growing up!  Today this little angel is really two years old.  Happy Birthday Olivia, our little "Livi Lou!"

Colors

Back in the day this was our family home evening "chart."  I had attended a class at BYU for a genealogical conference.  One thing that was discussed was that in early American History the tulip was considered a sign of virtue or strength...I had already been using a color code system for the girls to do laundry and belongings with so I combined the two.  It's kind of funny that those colors have kind of stuck with these guys as one of their favorite colors.  As the sorting process continues getting ready to move into the new home I have started taking pictures of things that are sentimental but....

Family Reading

I had the opportunity to attend the Women's Conference at BYU with my cousin Carolyn over the last two days.  A great deal was mentioned about reading to and with kids during the conference and I found myself being reflective as I listened.
   We started reading the scriptures with our little ones before they could even read, we would whisper in their ears the words and have them repeat it.  Later as they began reading we could see their skills increase just by the daily reading, or almost daily, that we did as a family.  Kerry's mom gave us the set in the lower right picture when we were well into our family, when Cydney was a baby, and they were a great tool as well. They are now roving from daughter to daughter.  We will always laugh when we hear a particular name in the Book Of Mormon because he pronounced it wrong to see if anyone was really listening.  I guess we were because we all giggle when using that name still.
  After we moved into this house in addition to reading the scriptures, Kerry read to us every night for a long time.  We all loved it and we quickly went through various books and sets of books in the process.  It was great to visualize as he read to us.  When the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe was made into a movie I really didn't know if I wanted to see it because of the vivid images he (we) had created in my mind.  One of my fondest memories is of him reading "The Forgotten Carols" at Christmas Time and then listening to the accompanying music as we went along.  We love to go and see the play during the Holiday season as a result.
   He often has difficulty reading at times, because of content, and we have all learned to respect his sincerity and tenderness.  Often I am glad he is reading it aloud and not me!  He even read a series just to me, loved every minute of it.  These are very sweet moments for me.  And in relation to the conference it gives me a little bit of peace knowing we did do a few things right anyway!