CHaNGeS-TiMe -NuMBeRs

Everyone knows that aging is a different process for everyone beginning the day we are born. I marvel at those who do it with great dignity particularly a woman in my neighborhood, to me she is an angel and I aspire to be like her. I really hate the number game that comes with aging. For those of you who know me one of the hardest numbers to change is that 20/20 vision is no longer a factor in my life and it has been difficult to get used to the need for reading glasses more and more all of the time. But to say I am 51 and am just in readers is a pretty great blessing. Thanks to Rebecca who reads the small print to me all of the time when I don't have my glasses handy which if you look in my house they are everywhere they should always be handy. Some numbers have been going up and some have been coming down I won't share all of that information with you but I am proud to say that one large number coming down is the weight, I have lost 25 pounds and an inch and a half, a good beginning but still have more to go. I will actually pose for picture right now, wow!

Beating myself up is a regular thing! Maybe if I had quit drinking the Cherry Coke sooner or walked just a little more or, or, or, my joints wouldn't be needing surgery when I can't take it anymore, or..... So if you see my pause in my walking or getting up just know I am adjusting! If you call me and know that I am at home but I don't answer it is probably because I have my Ipod on and am walking on my treadmill so please call back. I am now getting to the point where I am afraid to eat because I don't want to put any weight back on....

Change is also a constant part of life and one that I am struggling with a little. As a mom you are always so busy so excited to see your children learn and grow but you are so busy that you don't see how fast they are getting ready to spread their wings. It all goes way too fast, faster than I ever dreamed it would. I must admit I understand my own Mother a lot better over the last few years than I ever thought I would. When I am reunited with her one day I can only beg for forgiveness from her for my impatience with her, I wish I could tell her how much I love her, appreciate her, and understand her. I miss both my mom and dad and would love to talk to them and hug them.

I never anticipated being alone quite so much, that is the hard thing about my children growing up and a husband who travels with his job. But my goals are to make better use of my time like dejunking the house of STUFF from thirty one years of marriage, do some reading, learn a little more about technology, spend more time with my own sisier, and yes lose more weight. I am able to travel with Kerry from time to time and it is wonderful and always good to have him home.

Lest I sound like this is a pity party please forgive me. I am so blessed in my life! I don't know how to express enough gratitude for the blessings I am given. I am so grateful for the tender mercies that have come my way. I have the greatest daughters in the world and while we are a family and occasionally lock horns I wouldn't trade our family experience for the world. I am grateful that they care for each other and remain close and I know that if one of them was in trouble they would all be there for her or for us. Not enough can be said about the experience of being a Grandparent I never dreamed that these children would bring such delight and joy just being with them and yes they are part of the movitvation to get healthier. I am so grateful for the relationship that I have with my wonderful husband, it just gets better and better with time. I wish that I was brave enough to experience his new love with him but fear kicks in too hard. I wish that I was better at all things for all of them. I feel like I so often disappoint them in one way or another. When the eyes roll I know that I have done or said something silly or wrong,sorry. I hope to be a better example in the next phase of life.

changes, time, numbers...bear with me as I make adjustments in my current life-learning where, what and who I am in this new phase of life. I'm only 51 and have lot's of time to do lot's of things. Thanks for being part of my life.